WEDDING NOTES – Bridesmaids

The history of bridesmaids is time and culture dependent.  However, their main charge seems to have been to “protect” the bride, “intervene” on her behalf and/or help outsmart the evil spirits who gathered as a group at weddings and other happy events.

Today’s bridesmaids still fulfill some of those roles, even if the evil spirit happens to a former boyfriend with too much champagne and too little class, or a college roommate who thinks it would be fun to “steal” the bride between the ceremony and the reception.  Bridesmaids can often be the voice of reason when they hear “Let’s ______, it’ll be funny.  You’ll see.”  They can put a stop to nonsense early.

Bridesmaids give up time and money in return for the honor of being witnesses to the bride’s very special day.  We urge our brides to remember the important role they play in her wedding and to pay attention to thanking them for their help and caring.

Here are some tips we have gathered over the years.

• Selecting the bridesmaids’ dresses does not have to be an occasion of conflict.  Cost, style, color and accessories can be issues only if you let them.  If you can help financially, by all means do so.  If your wedding party represents a wide collection of sizes and shapes, work closely with a skilled and experienced wedding consultant who knows the best vendors to choose to work with your wedding.  An experienced retailer will work hard to make sure that the shopping experience is rewarding for all, and will insure that what you have ordered is what you’ll receive.  If the bridal retailer is a member of National Bridal Service, you can relax and know that all will be well.
• Make sure that your bridesmaids are getting enough attention from you.  Keep them in the loop about events and plans.  Accept help if it is offered.
• Make sure they have a clear idea of what to do and what you expect.  Your maid of honor can take on the responsibility of keeping all maids in the loop.  Don’t be too demanding.  Just because your wedding is consuming your every waking moment, bridesmaids do have lives beyond the wedding.
• Be sure to assemble a survival kit for the wedding.  Work with your personal attendant to make sure all necessary items are in the kit and trust her to bring it to the dressing area of the ceremony location, and to reclaim it after the ceremony. A good wedding planner will always take good care of this.
• Make sure to thank bridesmaids often.  Thoughtful gifts are appreciated. 

Take time to ask questions, share concerns and plan ways to make bridesmaids feel truly a part of this very special day. 

Reception Notes

Because the reception is usually the single largest expense in any wedding, lots has been written about it. Much of the lore of receptions represents an historical or traditional flavor. But times have changed. The economy is different. The bride and groom are different and the focus on the reception as the celebratory segment of a wedding event has changed somewhat.

One assumes that the commitment to another person inherent in the engagement process, is binding. However, like the Crystal Harris plan to marry Hugh Hefner, it is always subject to change. Crystal canceled her wedding plans two days before the event. One can only assume that there were sufficient funds available to cover lost deposits and to issue guest list wide notes of cancellation. But assuming that the wedding and reception went on
as planned, these modern notes of advice would have been well received.

1. Leave the reception before your guests. It used to be the “rule”. The wedding couple changed into their “traveling clothes” and left the reception to begin their honeymoon. Today’s couples have challenged that
tradition and are frequently the last to leave their reception. In some cases, it becomes a waiting game. No one is sure who should leave when, so no one does. One can speculate about the reason for this need to be the last to leave the party, but it can prove awkward. Be gracious and leave before your quests begin to nod off at their tables. It was a super party, but someone has to leave.

2. Whatever your budget for the reception, DO IT WELL! If you don’t have the money for a sit down dinner, switch to a buffet. Don’t skimp. Do what you can afford to do beautifully. Switch days, switch times, switch venues – do
whatever gives you the most beautiful ceremony and reception within your budget. Don’t try to reach a level that you cannot afford. Skimping always shows.

3. Let your focus at the reception be on your guests. This is a huge party/celebration you are hosting. And hosting means that the focus is on the guests. The first rule of entertaining guests is to consider their time and attention. That means: cut down the time between the ceremony and the reception. Don’t make them wait several hours between events. If the lag time is two hours, that is too much. Also, work hard to have the venues for the reception and the ceremony close together. Be considerate of your guests and don’t make them drive an hour or more to get from one event to another.
 

4. Cut down the guest list. You don’t need to have the area’s largest reception. Invite only those people who matter to you both. Surveys have shown that after several years, couples look at their wedding photos and are amazed by the number of guests that they cannot name. To a person, those couples regret having invited
people who really don’t matter to their important event.

5. If you have changed your mind and don’t want to go through with the wedding, cancel it earlier rather than later. Don’t pull as Crystal Harris and cancel the wedding to Hugh Hefner two days before the event. Remember the focus on others. The bride isn’t the only star of the day. The groom is a significant player as well. If you two have doubts, work them out or agree to disagree and be gracious hosts.